‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again

Tomorrow I’m boarding a plane to London, England. Once I arrive at the airport the next morning, I will be waiting for my coach bus to take me to a cosy town about five hours away to spend a week with my dear friend Sophie and then after that, I don’t know. I’m going for one month. On very little finances. Couch surfing will likely occur.

I think my spirit must have been insane to come to this time period because there is an unbelievable amount of contrast. Like omfg! And I mean all the things one doesn’t want, that’s what I mean by contrast. I’m different, I’m outside of the norm, and the thing is, I’ll NEVER be “normal”. I’ve tried and tried and tried to be “normal” but it’s just not real. So yeah, I can’t be that. I’m here to share my artistic talents and build something for women and for those who feel like they will never fit in, the freaks, the misfits, and the visionaries, yeah these magical people are my friends. I feel like I matter when I’m with them, I feel like I can do something good to help, I feel like my entire existence wasn’t just a mistake and should be ended immediately otherwise I’ll spend the rest of my life fighting. So yeah. These are the growing pains of my life. The emo poetry; the tendency to self-harm to dig out the emotional pain and that ‘wrongness’ that is in me (when in reality there is no wrongness); the tendency to shake and panic and run away when I feel unsafe; the biting of my tongue to avoid conflict when people say unpleasant things about my ‘otherness’ and I quietly hide somewhere to let the tears loose; the art and violent stories that have emerged from my mind and fingers in the past, and the art and stories of hope, uplifting, and survival that now emerge from my mind, fingers, and the collaboration of others in the present.

I know I create my life, I know this for a fact, I know that I have untapped power within, and the only other people who see this are other visionaries. Members of the status quo can’t see it, it’s like when you see ghosts or energy or auras and everyone else is completely blind but says you must be crazy. It’s like Luna Lovegood of Harry Potter seeing the thestrals, and then when Harry does, he realises she’s not crazy, she’s just seen death, she’s seen more than the other children have. And she has a voice and she doesn’t care how others perceive her, calling her Loony Lovegood, because she stands in her own power and Harry gets that when he sees.

This is what I sound like. I talk about metaphors, I talk about life and inner beliefs, I talk about creating as a visionary, and as an artist, and as an innovator of new things that some people understand but in general, it’s a lot of woo woo. But guess what? I’m okay with that. I’m okay if you sit there on the other side of the keyboard with nothing but criticism and gossip because you know what? That’s YOUR story, that’s YOUR truth, and that’s got nothing to do with me and who I am.

So to the dreamers, the writers, the artists, the visionaries, the leaders, the spiritualists, the out-of-the-box thinkers, the idealists, and the ones with a genius daemon (as Elizabeth Gilbert suggests), you guys are my peeps. You dare to be different in a world that scoffs until you do something that everyone can see with their own two eyes, and even then you still may be scoffed at, but it’s better than living a lie or being a sheep. You can’t even pretend to be a sheep because your truth and vision are too powerful. Don’t give your power away and don’t hold yourself back–you are better than nasty, unsupportive words. Keep moving forward and embrace the different-ness of you, in all aspects. There is at least one other person who can understand and she’s sitting right here with her bags packed ready to go on an adventure and write all about it.

ciao ciao bellas xo